Act 1, Scene 2: A Street

SCENE II. A Street.

    Enter LUCIO and two Gentlemen

LUCIO

    If the duke with the other dukes come not to
    composition with the King of Hungary, why then all
    the dukes fall upon the king.

First Gentleman

    Heaven grant us its peace, but not the King of
    Hungary's!

Second Gentleman

    Amen.

LUCIO

    Thou concludest like the sanctimonious pirate, that
    went to sea with the Ten Commandments, but scraped
    one out of the table.

Second Gentleman

    'Thou shalt not steal'?

LUCIO

    Ay, that he razed.

First Gentleman

    Why, 'twas a commandment to command the captain and
    all the rest from their functions: they put forth
    to steal. There's not a soldier of us all, that, in
    the thanksgiving before meat, do relish the petition
    well that prays for peace.

Second Gentleman

    I never heard any soldier dislike it.

LUCIO

    I believe thee; for I think thou never wast where
    grace was said.

Second Gentleman

    No? a dozen times at least.

First Gentleman

    What, in metre?

LUCIO

    In any proportion or in any language.

First Gentleman

    I think, or in any religion.

LUCIO

    Ay, why not? Grace is grace, despite of all
    controversy: as, for example, thou thyself art a
    wicked villain, despite of all grace.

First Gentleman

    Well, there went but a pair of shears between us.

LUCIO

    I grant; as there may between the lists and the
    velvet. Thou art the list.

First Gentleman

    And thou the velvet: thou art good velvet; thou'rt
    a three-piled piece, I warrant thee: I had as lief
    be a list of an English kersey as be piled, as thou
    art piled, for a French velvet. Do I speak
    feelingly now?

LUCIO

    I think thou dost; and, indeed, with most painful
    feeling of thy speech: I will, out of thine own
    confession, learn to begin thy health; but, whilst I
    live, forget to drink after thee.

First Gentleman

    I think I have done myself wrong, have I not?

Second Gentleman

    Yes, that thou hast, whether thou art tainted or free.

LUCIO

    Behold, behold. where Madam Mitigation comes! I
    have purchased as many diseases under her roof as come to--

Second Gentleman

    To what, I pray?

LUCIO

    Judge.

Second Gentleman

    To three thousand dolours a year.

First Gentleman

    Ay, and more.

LUCIO

    A French crown more.

First Gentleman

    Thou art always figuring diseases in me; but thou
    art full of error; I am sound.

LUCIO

    Nay, not as one would say, healthy; but so sound as
    things that are hollow: thy bones are hollow;
    impiety has made a feast of thee.

    Enter MISTRESS OVERDONE

First Gentleman

    How now! which of your hips has the most profound sciatica?

MISTRESS OVERDONE

    Well, well; there's one yonder arrested and carried
    to prison was worth five thousand of you all.

Second Gentleman

    Who's that, I pray thee?

MISTRESS OVERDONE

    Marry, sir, that's Claudio, Signior Claudio.

First Gentleman

    Claudio to prison? 'tis not so.

MISTRESS OVERDONE

    Nay, but I know 'tis so: I saw him arrested, saw
    him carried away; and, which is more, within these
    three days his head to be chopped off.

LUCIO

    But, after all this fooling, I would not have it so.
    Art thou sure of this?

MISTRESS OVERDONE

    I am too sure of it: and it is for getting Madam
    Julietta with child.

LUCIO

    Believe me, this may be: he promised to meet me two
    hours since, and he was ever precise in
    promise-keeping.

Second Gentleman

    Besides, you know, it draws something near to the
    speech we had to such a purpose.

First Gentleman

    But, most of all, agreeing with the proclamation.

LUCIO

    Away! let's go learn the truth of it.

    Exeunt LUCIO and Gentlemen

MISTRESS OVERDONE

    Thus, what with the war, what with the sweat, what
    with the gallows and what with poverty, I am
    custom-shrunk.

    Enter POMPEY
    How now! what's the news with you?

POMPEY

    Yonder man is carried to prison.

MISTRESS OVERDONE

    Well; what has he done?

POMPEY

    A woman.

MISTRESS OVERDONE

    But what's his offence?

POMPEY

    Groping for trouts in a peculiar river.

MISTRESS OVERDONE

    What, is there a maid with child by him?

POMPEY

    No, but there's a woman with maid by him. You have
    not heard of the proclamation, have you?

MISTRESS OVERDONE

    What proclamation, man?

POMPEY

    All houses in the suburbs of Vienna must be plucked down.

MISTRESS OVERDONE

    And what shall become of those in the city?

POMPEY

    They shall stand for seed: they had gone down too,
    but that a wise burgher put in for them.

MISTRESS OVERDONE

    But shall all our houses of resort in the suburbs be
    pulled down?

POMPEY

    To the ground, mistress.

MISTRESS OVERDONE

    Why, here's a change indeed in the commonwealth!
    What shall become of me?

POMPEY

    Come; fear you not: good counsellors lack no
    clients: though you change your place, you need not
    change your trade; I'll be your tapster still.
    Courage! there will be pity taken on you: you that
    have worn your eyes almost out in the service, you
    will be considered.

MISTRESS OVERDONE

    What's to do here, Thomas tapster? let's withdraw.

POMPEY

    Here comes Signior Claudio, led by the provost to
    prison; and there's Madam Juliet.

    Exeunt

    Enter Provost, CLAUDIO, JULIET, and Officers

CLAUDIO

    Fellow, why dost thou show me thus to the world?
    Bear me to prison, where I am committed.

Provost

    I do it not in evil disposition,
    But from Lord Angelo by special charge.

CLAUDIO

    Thus can the demigod Authority
    Make us pay down for our offence by weight
    The words of heaven; on whom it will, it will;
    On whom it will not, so; yet still 'tis just.

    Re-enter LUCIO and two Gentlemen

LUCIO

    Why, how now, Claudio! whence comes this restraint?

CLAUDIO

    From too much liberty, my Lucio, liberty:
    As surfeit is the father of much fast,
    So every scope by the immoderate use
    Turns to restraint. Our natures do pursue,
    Like rats that ravin down their proper bane,
    A thirsty evil; and when we drink we die.

LUCIO

    If could speak so wisely under an arrest, I would
    send for certain of my creditors: and yet, to say
    the truth, I had as lief have the foppery of freedom
    as the morality of imprisonment. What's thy
    offence, Claudio?

CLAUDIO

    What but to speak of would offend again.

LUCIO

    What, is't murder?

CLAUDIO

    No.

LUCIO

    Lechery?

CLAUDIO

    Call it so.

Provost

    Away, sir! you must go.

CLAUDIO

    One word, good friend. Lucio, a word with you.

LUCIO

    A hundred, if they'll do you any good.
    Is lechery so look'd after?

CLAUDIO

    Thus stands it with me: upon a true contract
    I got possession of Julietta's bed:
    You know the lady; she is fast my wife,
    Save that we do the denunciation lack
    Of outward order: this we came not to,
    Only for propagation of a dower
    Remaining in the coffer of her friends,
    From whom we thought it meet to hide our love
    Till time had made them for us. But it chances
    The stealth of our most mutual entertainment
    With character too gross is writ on Juliet.

LUCIO

    With child, perhaps?

CLAUDIO

    Unhappily, even so.
    And the new deputy now for the duke--
    Whether it be the fault and glimpse of newness,
    Or whether that the body public be
    A horse whereon the governor doth ride,
    Who, newly in the seat, that it may know
    He can command, lets it straight feel the spur;
    Whether the tyranny be in his place,
    Or in his emmence that fills it up,
    I stagger in:--but this new governor
    Awakes me all the enrolled penalties
    Which have, like unscour'd armour, hung by the wall
    So long that nineteen zodiacs have gone round
    And none of them been worn; and, for a name,
    Now puts the drowsy and neglected act
    Freshly on me: 'tis surely for a name.

LUCIO

    I warrant it is: and thy head stands so tickle on
    thy shoulders that a milkmaid, if she be in love,
    may sigh it off. Send after the duke and appeal to
    him.

CLAUDIO

    I have done so, but he's not to be found.
    I prithee, Lucio, do me this kind service:
    This day my sister should the cloister enter
    And there receive her approbation:
    Acquaint her with the danger of my state:
    Implore her, in my voice, that she make friends
    To the strict deputy; bid herself assay him:
    I have great hope in that; for in her youth
    There is a prone and speechless dialect,
    Such as move men; beside, she hath prosperous art
    When she will play with reason and discourse,
    And well she can persuade.

LUCIO

    I pray she may; as well for the encouragement of the
    like, which else would stand under grievous
    imposition, as for the enjoying of thy life, who I
    would be sorry should be thus foolishly lost at a
    game of tick-tack. I'll to her.

CLAUDIO

    I thank you, good friend Lucio.

LUCIO

    Within two hours.

CLAUDIO

    Come, officer, away!

    Exeunt