Act 2, Scene 3: A field near Windsor

SCENE III. A field near Windsor.

    Enter DOCTOR CAIUS and RUGBY

DOCTOR CAIUS

    Jack Rugby!

RUGBY

    Sir?

DOCTOR CAIUS

    Vat is de clock, Jack?

RUGBY

    'Tis past the hour, sir, that Sir Hugh promised to meet.

DOCTOR CAIUS

    By gar, he has save his soul, dat he is no come; he
    has pray his Pible well, dat he is no come: by gar,
    Jack Rugby, he is dead already, if he be come.

RUGBY

    He is wise, sir; he knew your worship would kill
    him, if he came.

DOCTOR CAIUS

    By gar, de herring is no dead so as I vill kill him.
    Take your rapier, Jack; I vill tell you how I vill kill him.

RUGBY

    Alas, sir, I cannot fence.

DOCTOR CAIUS

    Villany, take your rapier.

RUGBY

    Forbear; here's company.

    Enter Host, SHALLOW, SLENDER, and PAGE

Host

    Bless thee, bully doctor!

SHALLOW

    Save you, Master Doctor Caius!

PAGE

    Now, good master doctor!

SLENDER

    Give you good morrow, sir.

DOCTOR CAIUS

    Vat be all you, one, two, tree, four, come for?

Host

    To see thee fight, to see thee foin, to see thee
    traverse; to see thee here, to see thee there; to
    see thee pass thy punto, thy stock, thy reverse, thy
    distance, thy montant. Is he dead, my Ethiopian? is
    he dead, my Francisco? ha, bully! What says my
    AEsculapius? my Galen? my heart of elder? ha! is
    he dead, bully stale? is he dead?

DOCTOR CAIUS

    By gar, he is de coward Jack priest of de vorld; he
    is not show his face.

Host

    Thou art a Castalion-King-Urinal. Hector of Greece, my boy!

DOCTOR CAIUS

    I pray you, bear vitness that me have stay six or
    seven, two, tree hours for him, and he is no come.

SHALLOW

    He is the wiser man, master doctor: he is a curer of
    souls, and you a curer of bodies; if you should
    fight, you go against the hair of your professions.
    Is it not true, Master Page?

PAGE

    Master Shallow, you have yourself been a great
    fighter, though now a man of peace.

SHALLOW

    Bodykins, Master Page, though I now be old and of
    the peace, if I see a sword out, my finger itches to
    make one. Though we are justices and doctors and
    churchmen, Master Page, we have some salt of our
    youth in us; we are the sons of women, Master Page.

PAGE

    'Tis true, Master Shallow.

SHALLOW

    It will be found so, Master Page. Master Doctor
    Caius, I am come to fetch you home. I am sworn of
    the peace: you have showed yourself a wise
    physician, and Sir Hugh hath shown himself a wise
    and patient churchman. You must go with me, master doctor.

Host

    Pardon, guest-justice. A word, Mounseur Mockwater.

DOCTOR CAIUS

    Mock-vater! vat is dat?

Host

    Mock-water, in our English tongue, is valour, bully.

DOCTOR CAIUS

    By gar, den, I have as mush mock-vater as de
    Englishman. Scurvy jack-dog priest! by gar, me
    vill cut his ears.

Host

    He will clapper-claw thee tightly, bully.

DOCTOR CAIUS

    Clapper-de-claw! vat is dat?

Host

    That is, he will make thee amends.

DOCTOR CAIUS

    By gar, me do look he shall clapper-de-claw me;
    for, by gar, me vill have it.

Host

    And I will provoke him to't, or let him wag.

DOCTOR CAIUS

    Me tank you for dat.

Host

    And, moreover, bully,--but first, master guest, and
    Master Page, and eke Cavaleiro Slender, go you
    through the town to Frogmore.

    Aside to them

PAGE

    Sir Hugh is there, is he?

Host

    He is there: see what humour he is in; and I will
    bring the doctor about by the fields. Will it do well?

SHALLOW

    We will do it.

PAGE SHALLOW SLENDER

    Adieu, good master doctor.

    Exeunt PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER

DOCTOR CAIUS

    By gar, me vill kill de priest; for he speak for a
    jack-an-ape to Anne Page.

Host

    Let him die: sheathe thy impatience, throw cold
    water on thy choler: go about the fields with me
    through Frogmore: I will bring thee where Mistress
    Anne Page is, at a farm-house a-feasting; and thou
    shalt woo her. Cried I aim? said I well?

DOCTOR CAIUS

    By gar, me dank you for dat: by gar, I love you;
    and I shall procure-a you de good guest, de earl,
    de knight, de lords, de gentlemen, my patients.

Host

    For the which I will be thy adversary toward Anne
    Page. Said I well?

DOCTOR CAIUS

    By gar, 'tis good; vell said.

Host

    Let us wag, then.

DOCTOR CAIUS

    Come at my heels, Jack Rugby.

    Exeunt

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