Act 3, Scene 1: Milan. The DUKE's palace

SCENE I. Milan. The DUKE's palace.

    Enter DUKE, THURIO, and PROTEUS

DUKE

    Sir Thurio, give us leave, I pray, awhile;
    We have some secrets to confer about.

    Exit THURIO
    Now, tell me, Proteus, what's your will with me?

PROTEUS

    My gracious lord, that which I would discover
    The law of friendship bids me to conceal;
    But when I call to mind your gracious favours
    Done to me, undeserving as I am,
    My duty pricks me on to utter that
    Which else no worldly good should draw from me.
    Know, worthy prince, Sir Valentine, my friend,
    This night intends to steal away your daughter:
    Myself am one made privy to the plot.
    I know you have determined to bestow her
    On Thurio, whom your gentle daughter hates;
    And should she thus be stol'n away from you,
    It would be much vexation to your age.
    Thus, for my duty's sake, I rather chose
    To cross my friend in his intended drift
    Than, by concealing it, heap on your head
    A pack of sorrows which would press you down,
    Being unprevented, to your timeless grave.

DUKE

    Proteus, I thank thee for thine honest care;
    Which to requite, command me while I live.
    This love of theirs myself have often seen,
    Haply when they have judged me fast asleep,
    And oftentimes have purposed to forbid
    Sir Valentine her company and my court:
    But fearing lest my jealous aim might err
    And so unworthily disgrace the man,
    A rashness that I ever yet have shunn'd,
    I gave him gentle looks, thereby to find
    That which thyself hast now disclosed to me.
    And, that thou mayst perceive my fear of this,
    Knowing that tender youth is soon suggested,
    I nightly lodge her in an upper tower,
    The key whereof myself have ever kept;
    And thence she cannot be convey'd away.

PROTEUS

    Know, noble lord, they have devised a mean
    How he her chamber-window will ascend
    And with a corded ladder fetch her down;
    For which the youthful lover now is gone
    And this way comes he with it presently;
    Where, if it please you, you may intercept him.
    But, good my Lord, do it so cunningly
    That my discovery be not aimed at;
    For love of you, not hate unto my friend,
    Hath made me publisher of this pretence.

DUKE

    Upon mine honour, he shall never know
    That I had any light from thee of this.

PROTEUS

    Adieu, my Lord; Sir Valentine is coming.

    Exit

    Enter VALENTINE

DUKE

    Sir Valentine, whither away so fast?

VALENTINE

    Please it your grace, there is a messenger
    That stays to bear my letters to my friends,
    And I am going to deliver them.

DUKE

    Be they of much import?

VALENTINE

    The tenor of them doth but signify
    My health and happy being at your court.

DUKE

    Nay then, no matter; stay with me awhile;
    I am to break with thee of some affairs
    That touch me near, wherein thou must be secret.
    'Tis not unknown to thee that I have sought
    To match my friend Sir Thurio to my daughter.

VALENTINE

    I know it well, my Lord; and, sure, the match
    Were rich and honourable; besides, the gentleman
    Is full of virtue, bounty, worth and qualities
    Beseeming such a wife as your fair daughter:
    Cannot your Grace win her to fancy him?

DUKE

    No, trust me; she is peevish, sullen, froward,
    Proud, disobedient, stubborn, lacking duty,
    Neither regarding that she is my child
    Nor fearing me as if I were her father;
    And, may I say to thee, this pride of hers,
    Upon advice, hath drawn my love from her;
    And, where I thought the remnant of mine age
    Should have been cherish'd by her child-like duty,
    I now am full resolved to take a wife
    And turn her out to who will take her in:
    Then let her beauty be her wedding-dower;
    For me and my possessions she esteems not.

VALENTINE

    What would your Grace have me to do in this?

DUKE

    There is a lady in Verona here
    Whom I affect; but she is nice and coy
    And nought esteems my aged eloquence:
    Now therefore would I have thee to my tutor--
    For long agone I have forgot to court;
    Besides, the fashion of the time is changed--
    How and which way I may bestow myself
    To be regarded in her sun-bright eye.

VALENTINE

    Win her with gifts, if she respect not words:
    Dumb jewels often in their silent kind
    More than quick words do move a woman's mind.

DUKE

    But she did scorn a present that I sent her.

VALENTINE

    A woman sometimes scorns what best contents her.
    Send her another; never give her o'er;
    For scorn at first makes after-love the more.
    If she do frown, 'tis not in hate of you,
    But rather to beget more love in you:
    If she do chide, 'tis not to have you gone;
    For why, the fools are mad, if left alone.
    Take no repulse, whatever she doth say;
    For 'get you gone,' she doth not mean 'away!'
    Flatter and praise, commend, extol their graces;
    Though ne'er so black, say they have angels' faces.
    That man that hath a tongue, I say, is no man,
    If with his tongue he cannot win a woman.

DUKE

    But she I mean is promised by her friends
    Unto a youthful gentleman of worth,
    And kept severely from resort of men,
    That no man hath access by day to her.

VALENTINE

    Why, then, I would resort to her by night.

DUKE

    Ay, but the doors be lock'd and keys kept safe,
    That no man hath recourse to her by night.

VALENTINE

    What lets but one may enter at her window?

DUKE

    Her chamber is aloft, far from the ground,
    And built so shelving that one cannot climb it
    Without apparent hazard of his life.

VALENTINE

    Why then, a ladder quaintly made of cords,
    To cast up, with a pair of anchoring hooks,
    Would serve to scale another Hero's tower,
    So bold Leander would adventure it.

DUKE

    Now, as thou art a gentleman of blood,
    Advise me where I may have such a ladder.

VALENTINE

    When would you use it? pray, sir, tell me that.

DUKE

    This very night; for Love is like a child,
    That longs for every thing that he can come by.

VALENTINE

    By seven o'clock I'll get you such a ladder.

DUKE

    But, hark thee; I will go to her alone:
    How shall I best convey the ladder thither?

VALENTINE

    It will be light, my lord, that you may bear it
    Under a cloak that is of any length.

DUKE

    A cloak as long as thine will serve the turn?

VALENTINE

    Ay, my good lord.

DUKE

    Then let me see thy cloak:
    I'll get me one of such another length.

VALENTINE

    Why, any cloak will serve the turn, my lord.

DUKE

    How shall I fashion me to wear a cloak?
    I pray thee, let me feel thy cloak upon me.
    What letter is this same? What's here? 'To Silvia'!
    And here an engine fit for my proceeding.
    I'll be so bold to break the seal for once.

    Reads
    'My thoughts do harbour with my Silvia nightly,
    And slaves they are to me that send them flying:
    O, could their master come and go as lightly,
    Himself would lodge where senseless they are lying!
    My herald thoughts in thy pure bosom rest them:
    While I, their king, that hither them importune,
    Do curse the grace that with such grace hath bless'd them,
    Because myself do want my servants' fortune:
    I curse myself, for they are sent by me,
    That they should harbour where their lord would be.'
    What's here?
    'Silvia, this night I will enfranchise thee.'
    'Tis so; and here's the ladder for the purpose.
    Why, Phaeton,--for thou art Merops' son,--
    Wilt thou aspire to guide the heavenly car
    And with thy daring folly burn the world?
    Wilt thou reach stars, because they shine on thee?
    Go, base intruder! overweening slave!
    Bestow thy fawning smiles on equal mates,
    And think my patience, more than thy desert,
    Is privilege for thy departure hence:
    Thank me for this more than for all the favours
    Which all too much I have bestow'd on thee.
    But if thou linger in my territories
    Longer than swiftest expedition
    Will give thee time to leave our royal court,
    By heaven! my wrath shall far exceed the love
    I ever bore my daughter or thyself.
    Be gone! I will not hear thy vain excuse;
    But, as thou lovest thy life, make speed from hence.

    Exit

VALENTINE

    And why not death rather than living torment?
    To die is to be banish'd from myself;
    And Silvia is myself: banish'd from her
    Is self from self: a deadly banishment!
    What light is light, if Silvia be not seen?
    What joy is joy, if Silvia be not by?
    Unless it be to think that she is by
    And feed upon the shadow of perfection
    Except I be by Silvia in the night,
    There is no music in the nightingale;
    Unless I look on Silvia in the day,
    There is no day for me to look upon;
    She is my essence, and I leave to be,
    If I be not by her fair influence
    Foster'd, illumined, cherish'd, kept alive.
    I fly not death, to fly his deadly doom:
    Tarry I here, I but attend on death:
    But, fly I hence, I fly away from life.

    Enter PROTEUS and LAUNCE

PROTEUS

    Run, boy, run, run, and seek him out.

LAUNCE

    Soho, soho!

PROTEUS

    What seest thou?

LAUNCE

    Him we go to find: there's not a hair on's head
    but 'tis a Valentine.

PROTEUS

    Valentine?

VALENTINE

    No.

PROTEUS

    Who then? his spirit?

VALENTINE

    Neither.

PROTEUS

    What then?

VALENTINE

    Nothing.

LAUNCE

    Can nothing speak? Master, shall I strike?

PROTEUS

    Who wouldst thou strike?

LAUNCE

    Nothing.

PROTEUS

    Villain, forbear.

LAUNCE

    Why, sir, I'll strike nothing: I pray you,--

PROTEUS

    Sirrah, I say, forbear. Friend Valentine, a word.

VALENTINE

    My ears are stopt and cannot hear good news,
    So much of bad already hath possess'd them.

PROTEUS

    Then in dumb silence will I bury mine,
    For they are harsh, untuneable and bad.

VALENTINE

    Is Silvia dead?

PROTEUS

    No, Valentine.

VALENTINE

    No Valentine, indeed, for sacred Silvia.
    Hath she forsworn me?

PROTEUS

    No, Valentine.

VALENTINE

    No Valentine, if Silvia have forsworn me.
    What is your news?

LAUNCE

    Sir, there is a proclamation that you are vanished.

PROTEUS

    That thou art banished--O, that's the news!--
    From hence, from Silvia and from me thy friend.

VALENTINE

    O, I have fed upon this woe already,
    And now excess of it will make me surfeit.
    Doth Silvia know that I am banished?

PROTEUS

    Ay, ay; and she hath offer'd to the doom--
    Which, unreversed, stands in effectual force--
    A sea of melting pearl, which some call tears:
    Those at her father's churlish feet she tender'd;
    With them, upon her knees, her humble self;
    Wringing her hands, whose whiteness so became them
    As if but now they waxed pale for woe:
    But neither bended knees, pure hands held up,
    Sad sighs, deep groans, nor silver-shedding tears,
    Could penetrate her uncompassionate sire;
    But Valentine, if he be ta'en, must die.
    Besides, her intercession chafed him so,
    When she for thy repeal was suppliant,
    That to close prison he commanded her,
    With many bitter threats of biding there.

VALENTINE

    No more; unless the next word that thou speak'st
    Have some malignant power upon my life:
    If so, I pray thee, breathe it in mine ear,
    As ending anthem of my endless dolour.

PROTEUS

    Cease to lament for that thou canst not help,
    And study help for that which thou lament'st.
    Time is the nurse and breeder of all good.
    Here if thou stay, thou canst not see thy love;
    Besides, thy staying will abridge thy life.
    Hope is a lover's staff; walk hence with that
    And manage it against despairing thoughts.
    Thy letters may be here, though thou art hence;
    Which, being writ to me, shall be deliver'd
    Even in the milk-white bosom of thy love.
    The time now serves not to expostulate:
    Come, I'll convey thee through the city-gate;
    And, ere I part with thee, confer at large
    Of all that may concern thy love-affairs.
    As thou lovest Silvia, though not for thyself,
    Regard thy danger, and along with me!

VALENTINE

    I pray thee, Launce, an if thou seest my boy,
    Bid him make haste and meet me at the North-gate.

PROTEUS

    Go, sirrah, find him out. Come, Valentine.

VALENTINE

    O my dear Silvia! Hapless Valentine!

    Exeunt VALENTINE and PROTEUS

LAUNCE

    I am but a fool, look you; and yet I have the wit to
    think my master is a kind of a knave: but that's
    all one, if he be but one knave. He lives not now
    that knows me to be in love; yet I am in love; but a
    team of horse shall not pluck that from me; nor who
    'tis I love; and yet 'tis a woman; but what woman, I
    will not tell myself; and yet 'tis a milkmaid; yet
    'tis not a maid, for she hath had gossips; yet 'tis
    a maid, for she is her master's maid, and serves for
    wages. She hath more qualities than a water-spaniel;
    which is much in a bare Christian.

    Pulling out a paper
    Here is the cate-log of her condition.
    'Imprimis: She can fetch and carry.' Why, a horse
    can do no more: nay, a horse cannot fetch, but only
    carry; therefore is she better than a jade. 'Item:
    She can milk;' look you, a sweet virtue in a maid
    with clean hands.

    Enter SPEED

SPEED

    How now, Signior Launce! what news with your
    mastership?

LAUNCE

    With my master's ship? why, it is at sea.

SPEED

    Well, your old vice still; mistake the word. What
    news, then, in your paper?

LAUNCE

    The blackest news that ever thou heardest.

SPEED

    Why, man, how black?

LAUNCE

    Why, as black as ink.

SPEED

    Let me read them.

LAUNCE

    Fie on thee, jolt-head! thou canst not read.

SPEED

    Thou liest; I can.

LAUNCE

    I will try thee. Tell me this: who begot thee?

SPEED

    Marry, the son of my grandfather.

LAUNCE

    O illiterate loiterer! it was the son of thy
    grandmother: this proves that thou canst not read.

SPEED

    Come, fool, come; try me in thy paper.

LAUNCE

    There; and St. Nicholas be thy speed!

SPEED

    [Reads] 'Imprimis: She can milk.'

LAUNCE

    Ay, that she can.

SPEED

    'Item: She brews good ale.'

LAUNCE

    And thereof comes the proverb: 'Blessing of your
    heart, you brew good ale.'

SPEED

    'Item: She can sew.'

LAUNCE

    That's as much as to say, Can she so?

SPEED

    'Item: She can knit.'

LAUNCE

    What need a man care for a stock with a wench, when
    she can knit him a stock?

SPEED

    'Item: She can wash and scour.'

LAUNCE

    A special virtue: for then she need not be washed
    and scoured.

SPEED

    'Item: She can spin.'

LAUNCE

    Then may I set the world on wheels, when she can
    spin for her living.

SPEED

    'Item: She hath many nameless virtues.'

LAUNCE

    That's as much as to say, bastard virtues; that,
    indeed, know not their fathers and therefore have no names.

SPEED

    'Here follow her vices.'

LAUNCE

    Close at the heels of her virtues.

SPEED

    'Item: She is not to be kissed fasting in respect
    of her breath.'

LAUNCE

    Well, that fault may be mended with a breakfast. Read on.

SPEED

    'Item: She hath a sweet mouth.'

LAUNCE

    That makes amends for her sour breath.

SPEED

    'Item: She doth talk in her sleep.'

LAUNCE

    It's no matter for that, so she sleep not in her talk.

SPEED

    'Item: She is slow in words.'

LAUNCE

    O villain, that set this down among her vices! To
    be slow in words is a woman's only virtue: I pray
    thee, out with't, and place it for her chief virtue.

SPEED

    'Item: She is proud.'

LAUNCE

    Out with that too; it was Eve's legacy, and cannot
    be ta'en from her.

SPEED

    'Item: She hath no teeth.'

LAUNCE

    I care not for that neither, because I love crusts.

SPEED

    'Item: She is curst.'

LAUNCE

    Well, the best is, she hath no teeth to bite.

SPEED

    'Item: She will often praise her liquor.'

LAUNCE

    If her liquor be good, she shall: if she will not, I
    will; for good things should be praised.

SPEED

    'Item: She is too liberal.'

LAUNCE

    Of her tongue she cannot, for that's writ down she
    is slow of; of her purse she shall not, for that
    I'll keep shut: now, of another thing she may, and
    that cannot I help. Well, proceed.

SPEED

    'Item: She hath more hair than wit, and more faults
    than hairs, and more wealth than faults.'

LAUNCE

    Stop there; I'll have her: she was mine, and not
    mine, twice or thrice in that last article.
    Rehearse that once more.

SPEED

    'Item: She hath more hair than wit,'--

LAUNCE

    More hair than wit? It may be; I'll prove it. The
    cover of the salt hides the salt, and therefore it
    is more than the salt; the hair that covers the wit
    is more than the wit, for the greater hides the
    less. What's next?

SPEED

    'And more faults than hairs,'--

LAUNCE

    That's monstrous: O, that that were out!

SPEED

    'And more wealth than faults.'

LAUNCE

    Why, that word makes the faults gracious. Well,
    I'll have her; and if it be a match, as nothing is
    impossible,--

SPEED

    What then?

LAUNCE

    Why, then will I tell thee--that thy master stays
    for thee at the North-gate.

SPEED

    For me?

LAUNCE

    For thee! ay, who art thou? he hath stayed for a
    better man than thee.

SPEED

    And must I go to him?

LAUNCE

    Thou must run to him, for thou hast stayed so long
    that going will scarce serve the turn.

SPEED

    Why didst not tell me sooner? pox of your love letters!

    Exit

LAUNCE

    Now will he be swinged for reading my letter; an
    unmannerly slave, that will thrust himself into
    secrets! I'll after, to rejoice in the boy's correction.

    Exit