Act 4, Scene 4: A street.

SCENE IV. A street.

    Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus and the Officer

    ANTIPHOLUS

OF EPHESUS

    Fear me not, man; I will not break away:
    I'll give thee, ere I leave thee, so much money,
    To warrant thee, as I am 'rested for.
    My wife is in a wayward mood to-day,
    And will not lightly trust the messenger
    That I should be attach'd in Ephesus,
    I tell you, 'twill sound harshly in her ears.

    Enter DROMIO of Ephesus with a rope's-end
    Here comes my man; I think he brings the money.
    How now, sir! have you that I sent you for?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

    Here's that, I warrant you, will pay them all.
    ANTIPHOLUS

OF EPHESUS

    But where's the money?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

    Why, sir, I gave the money for the rope.
    ANTIPHOLUS

OF EPHESUS

    Five hundred ducats, villain, for a rope?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

    I'll serve you, sir, five hundred at the rate.
    ANTIPHOLUS

OF EPHESUS

    To what end did I bid thee hie thee home?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

    To a rope's-end, sir; and to that end am I returned.
    ANTIPHOLUS

OF EPHESUS

    And to that end, sir, I will welcome you.

    Beating him

Officer

    Good sir, be patient.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

    Nay, 'tis for me to be patient; I am in adversity.

Officer

    Good, now, hold thy tongue.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

    Nay, rather persuade him to hold his hands.
    ANTIPHOLUS

OF EPHESUS

    Thou whoreson, senseless villain!

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

    I would I were senseless, sir, that I might not feel
    your blows.

ANTIPHOLUS

    Thou art sensible in nothing but blows, and so is an
    ass.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

    I am an ass, indeed; you may prove it by my long
    ears. I have served him from the hour of my
    nativity to this instant, and have nothing at his
    hands for my service but blows. When I am cold, he
    heats me with beating; when I am warm, he cools me
    with beating; I am waked with it when I sleep;
    raised with it when I sit; driven out of doors with
    it when I go from home; welcomed home with it when
    I return; nay, I bear it on my shoulders, as a
    beggar wont her brat; and, I think when he hath
    lamed me, I shall beg with it from door to door.
    ANTIPHOLUS

OF EPHESUS

    Come, go along; my wife is coming yonder.

    Enter ADRIANA, LUCIANA, the Courtezan, and PINCH

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

    Mistress, 'respice finem,' respect your end; or
    rather, the prophecy like the parrot, 'beware the
    rope's-end.'
    ANTIPHOLUS

OF EPHESUS

    Wilt thou still talk?

    Beating him

Courtezan

    How say you now? is not your husband mad?

ADRIANA

    His incivility confirms no less.
    Good Doctor Pinch, you are a conjurer;
    Establish him in his true sense again,
    And I will please you what you will demand.

LUCIANA

    Alas, how fiery and how sharp he looks!

Courtezan

    Mark how he trembles in his ecstasy!

PINCH

    Give me your hand and let me feel your pulse.
    ANTIPHOLUS

OF EPHESUS

    There is my hand, and let it feel your ear.

    Striking him

PINCH

    I charge thee, Satan, housed within this man,
    To yield possession to my holy prayers
    And to thy state of darkness hie thee straight:
    I conjure thee by all the saints in heaven!
    ANTIPHOLUS

OF EPHESUS

    Peace, doting wizard, peace! I am not mad.

ADRIANA

    O, that thou wert not, poor distressed soul!
    ANTIPHOLUS

OF EPHESUS

    You minion, you, are these your customers?
    Did this companion with the saffron face
    Revel and feast it at my house to-day,
    Whilst upon me the guilty doors were shut
    And I denied to enter in my house?

ADRIANA

    O husband, God doth know you dined at home;
    Where would you had remain'd until this time,
    Free from these slanders and this open shame!
    ANTIPHOLUS

OF EPHESUS

    Dined at home! Thou villain, what sayest thou?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

    Sir, sooth to say, you did not dine at home.
    ANTIPHOLUS

OF EPHESUS

    Were not my doors lock'd up and I shut out?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

    Perdie, your doors were lock'd and you shut out.
    ANTIPHOLUS

OF EPHESUS

    And did not she herself revile me there?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

    Sans fable, she herself reviled you there.
    ANTIPHOLUS

OF EPHESUS

    Did not her kitchen-maid rail, taunt, and scorn me?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

    Certes, she did; the kitchen-vestal scorn'd you.
    ANTIPHOLUS

OF EPHESUS

    And did not I in rage depart from thence?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

    In verity you did; my bones bear witness,
    That since have felt the vigour of his rage.

ADRIANA

    Is't good to soothe him in these contraries?

PINCH

    It is no shame: the fellow finds his vein,
    And yielding to him humours well his frenzy.
    ANTIPHOLUS

OF EPHESUS

    Thou hast suborn'd the goldsmith to arrest me.

ADRIANA

    Alas, I sent you money to redeem you,
    By Dromio here, who came in haste for it.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

    Money by me! heart and goodwill you might;
    But surely master, not a rag of money.
    ANTIPHOLUS

OF EPHESUS

    Went'st not thou to her for a purse of ducats?

ADRIANA

    He came to me and I deliver'd it.

LUCIANA

    And I am witness with her that she did.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

    God and the rope-maker bear me witness
    That I was sent for nothing but a rope!

PINCH

    Mistress, both man and master is possess'd;
    I know it by their pale and deadly looks:
    They must be bound and laid in some dark room.
    ANTIPHOLUS

OF EPHESUS

    Say, wherefore didst thou lock me forth to-day?
    And why dost thou deny the bag of gold?

ADRIANA

    I did not, gentle husband, lock thee forth.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

    And, gentle master, I received no gold;
    But I confess, sir, that we were lock'd out.

ADRIANA

    Dissembling villain, thou speak'st false in both.
    ANTIPHOLUS

OF EPHESUS

    Dissembling harlot, thou art false in all;
    And art confederate with a damned pack
    To make a loathsome abject scorn of me:
    But with these nails I'll pluck out these false eyes
    That would behold in me this shameful sport.

    Enter three or four, and offer to bind him. He strives

ADRIANA

    O, bind him, bind him! let him not come near me.

PINCH

    More company! The fiend is strong within him.

LUCIANA

    Ay me, poor man, how pale and wan he looks!
    ANTIPHOLUS

OF EPHESUS

    What, will you murder me? Thou gaoler, thou,
    I am thy prisoner: wilt thou suffer them
    To make a rescue?

Officer

    Masters, let him go
    He is my prisoner, and you shall not have him.

PINCH

    Go bind this man, for he is frantic too.

    They offer to bind Dromio of Ephesus

ADRIANA

    What wilt thou do, thou peevish officer?
    Hast thou delight to see a wretched man
    Do outrage and displeasure to himself?

Officer

    He is my prisoner: if I let him go,
    The debt he owes will be required of me.

ADRIANA

    I will discharge thee ere I go from thee:
    Bear me forthwith unto his creditor,
    And, knowing how the debt grows, I will pay it.
    Good master doctor, see him safe convey'd
    Home to my house. O most unhappy day!
    ANTIPHOLUS

OF EPHESUS

    O most unhappy strumpet!

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

    Master, I am here entered in bond for you.
    ANTIPHOLUS

OF EPHESUS

    Out on thee, villain! wherefore dost thou mad me?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

    Will you be bound for nothing? be mad, good master:
    cry 'The devil!'

LUCIANA

    God help, poor souls, how idly do they talk!

ADRIANA

    Go bear him hence. Sister, go you with me.

    Exeunt all but Adriana, Luciana, Officer and Courtezan
    Say now, whose suit is he arrested at?

Officer

    One Angelo, a goldsmith: do you know him?

ADRIANA

    I know the man. What is the sum he owes?

Officer

    Two hundred ducats.

ADRIANA

    Say, how grows it due?

Officer

    Due for a chain your husband had of him.

ADRIANA

    He did bespeak a chain for me, but had it not.

Courtezan

    When as your husband all in rage to-day
    Came to my house and took away my ring--
    The ring I saw upon his finger now--
    Straight after did I meet him with a chain.

ADRIANA

    It may be so, but I did never see it.
    Come, gaoler, bring me where the goldsmith is:
    I long to know the truth hereof at large.

    Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse with his rapier drawn, and DROMIO of Syracuse

LUCIANA

    God, for thy mercy! they are loose again.

ADRIANA

    And come with naked swords.
    Let's call more help to have them bound again.

Officer

    Away! they'll kill us.

    Exeunt all but Antipholus of Syracuse and Dromio of Syracuse
    ANTIPHOLUS

OF SYRACUSE

    I see these witches are afraid of swords.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

    She that would be your wife now ran from you.
    ANTIPHOLUS

OF SYRACUSE

    Come to the Centaur; fetch our stuff from thence:
    I long that we were safe and sound aboard.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

    Faith, stay here this night; they will surely do us
    no harm: you saw they speak us fair, give us gold:
    methinks they are such a gentle nation that, but for
    the mountain of mad flesh that claims marriage of
    me, I could find in my heart to stay here still and
    turn witch.
    ANTIPHOLUS

OF SYRACUSE

    I will not stay to-night for all the town;
    Therefore away, to get our stuff aboard.

    Exeunt