King Lear - Act 1 - Scene 5

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SCENE V. Court before the same.

    Enter KING LEAR, KENT, and Fool

KING LEAR

    Go you before to Gloucester with these letters.
    Acquaint my daughter no further with any thing you
    know than comes from her demand out of the letter.
    If your diligence be not speedy, I shall be there afore you.

KENT

    I will not sleep, my lord, till I have delivered
    your letter.

    Exit

Fool

    If a man's brains were in's heels, were't not in
    danger of kibes?

KING LEAR

    Ay, boy.

Fool

    Then, I prithee, be merry; thy wit shall ne'er go
    slip-shod.

KING LEAR

    Ha, ha, ha!

Fool

    Shalt see thy other daughter will use thee kindly;
    for though she's as like this as a crab's like an
    apple, yet I can tell what I can tell.

KING LEAR

    Why, what canst thou tell, my boy?

Fool

    She will taste as like this as a crab does to a
    crab. Thou canst tell why one's nose stands i'
    the middle on's face?

KING LEAR

    No.

Fool

    Why, to keep one's eyes of either side's nose; that
    what a man cannot smell out, he may spy into.

KING LEAR

    I did her wrong--

Fool

    Canst tell how an oyster makes his shell?

KING LEAR

    No.

Fool

    Nor I neither; but I can tell why a snail has a house.

KING LEAR

    Why?

Fool

    Why, to put his head in; not to give it away to his
    daughters, and leave his horns without a case.

KING LEAR

    I will forget my nature. So kind a father! Be my
    horses ready?

Fool

    Thy asses are gone about 'em. The reason why the
    seven stars are no more than seven is a pretty reason.

KING LEAR

    Because they are not eight?

Fool

    Yes, indeed: thou wouldst make a good fool.

KING LEAR

    To take 't again perforce! Monster ingratitude!

Fool

    If thou wert my fool, nuncle, I'ld have thee beaten
    for being old before thy time.

KING LEAR

    How's that?

Fool

    Thou shouldst not have been old till thou hadst
    been wise.

KING LEAR

    O, let me not be mad, not mad, sweet heaven
    Keep me in temper: I would not be mad!

    Enter Gentleman
    How now! are the horses ready?

Gentleman

    Ready, my lord.

KING LEAR

    Come, boy.

Fool

    She that's a maid now, and laughs at my departure,
    Shall not be a maid long, unless things be cut shorter.

    Exeunt

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