Act 1, Scene 2: The king of Navarre's park

SCENE II. The same.

    Enter DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO and MOTH

    DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO

    Boy, what sign is it when a man of great spirit
    grows melancholy?

MOTH

    A great sign, sir, that he will look sad.
    DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO

    Why, sadness is one and the self-same thing, dear imp.

MOTH

    No, no; O Lord, sir, no.
    DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO

    How canst thou part sadness and melancholy, my
    tender juvenal?

MOTH

    By a familiar demonstration of the working, my tough senior.
    DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO

    Why tough senior? why tough senior?

MOTH

    Why tender juvenal? why tender juvenal?
    DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO

    I spoke it, tender juvenal, as a congruent epitheton
    appertaining to thy young days, which we may
    nominate tender.

MOTH

    And I, tough senior, as an appertinent title to your
    old time, which we may name tough.
    DON ADRIANO DE

ARMADO

    Pretty and apt.

MOTH

    How mean you, sir? I pretty, and my saying apt? or
    I apt, and my saying pretty?
    DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO

    Thou pretty, because little.

MOTH

    Little pretty, because little. Wherefore apt?
    DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO

    And therefore apt, because quick.

MOTH

    Speak you this in my praise, master?
    DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO

    In thy condign praise.

MOTH

    I will praise an eel with the same praise.
    DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO

    What, that an eel is ingenious?

MOTH

    That an eel is quick.
    DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO

    I do say thou art quick in answers: thou heatest my blood.

MOTH

    I am answered, sir.
    DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO

    I love not to be crossed.

MOTH

    [Aside] He speaks the mere contrary; crosses love not him.
    DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO

    I have promised to study three years with the duke.

MOTH

    You may do it in an hour, sir.
    DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO

    Impossible.

MOTH

    How many is one thrice told?
    DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO

    I am ill at reckoning; it fitteth the spirit of a tapster.

MOTH

    You are a gentleman and a gamester, sir.
    DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO

    I confess both: they are both the varnish of a
    complete man.

MOTH

    Then, I am sure, you know how much the gross sum of
    deuce-ace amounts to.
    DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO

    It doth amount to one more than two.

MOTH

    Which the base vulgar do call three.
    DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO

    True.

MOTH

    Why, sir, is this such a piece of study? Now here
    is three studied, ere ye'll thrice wink: and how
    easy it is to put 'years' to the word 'three,' and
    study three years in two words, the dancing horse
    will tell you.
    DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO

    A most fine figure!

MOTH

    To prove you a cipher.
    DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO

    I will hereupon confess I am in love: and as it is
    base for a soldier to love, so am I in love with a
    base wench. If drawing my sword against the humour
    of affection would deliver me from the reprobate
    thought of it, I would take Desire prisoner, and
    ransom him to any French courtier for a new-devised
    courtesy. I think scorn to sigh: methinks I should
    outswear Cupid. Comfort, me, boy: what great men
    have been in love?

MOTH

    Hercules, master.
    DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO

    Most sweet Hercules! More authority, dear boy, name
    more; and, sweet my child, let them be men of good
    repute and carriage.

MOTH

    Samson, master: he was a man of good carriage, great
    carriage, for he carried the town-gates on his back
    like a porter: and he was in love.
    DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO

    O well-knit Samson! strong-jointed Samson! I do
    excel thee in my rapier as much as thou didst me in
    carrying gates. I am in love too. Who was Samson's
    love, my dear Moth?

MOTH

    A woman, master.
    DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO

    Of what complexion?

MOTH

    Of all the four, or the three, or the two, or one of the four.
    DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO

    Tell me precisely of what complexion.

MOTH

    Of the sea-water green, sir.
    DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO

    Is that one of the four complexions?

MOTH

    As I have read, sir; and the best of them too.
    DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO

    Green indeed is the colour of lovers; but to have a
    love of that colour, methinks Samson had small reason
    for it. He surely affected her for her wit.

MOTH

    It was so, sir; for she had a green wit.
    DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO

    My love is most immaculate white and red.

MOTH

    Most maculate thoughts, master, are masked under
    such colours.
    DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO

    Define, define, well-educated infant.

MOTH

    My father's wit and my mother's tongue, assist me!
    DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO

    Sweet invocation of a child; most pretty and
    pathetical!

MOTH

    If she be made of white and red,
    Her faults will ne'er be known,
    For blushing cheeks by faults are bred
    And fears by pale white shown:
    Then if she fear, or be to blame,
    By this you shall not know,
    For still her cheeks possess the same
    Which native she doth owe.
    A dangerous rhyme, master, against the reason of
    white and red.
    DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO

    Is there not a ballad, boy, of the King and the Beggar?

MOTH

    The world was very guilty of such a ballad some
    three ages since: but I think now 'tis not to be
    found; or, if it were, it would neither serve for
    the writing nor the tune.
    DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO

    I will have that subject newly writ o'er, that I may
    example my digression by some mighty precedent.
    Boy, I do love that country girl that I took in the
    park with the rational hind Costard: she deserves well.

MOTH

    [Aside] To be whipped; and yet a better love than
    my master.
    DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO

    Sing, boy; my spirit grows heavy in love.

MOTH

    And that's great marvel, loving a light wench.
    DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO

    I say, sing.

MOTH

    Forbear till this company be past.

    Enter DULL, COSTARD, and JAQUENETTA

DULL

    Sir, the duke's pleasure is, that you keep Costard
    safe: and you must suffer him to take no delight
    nor no penance; but a' must fast three days a week.
    For this damsel, I must keep her at the park: she
    is allowed for the day-woman. Fare you well.
    DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO

    I do betray myself with blushing. Maid!

JAQUENETTA

    Man?
    DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO

    I will visit thee at the lodge.

JAQUENETTA

    That's hereby.
    DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO

    I know where it is situate.

JAQUENETTA

    Lord, how wise you are!
    DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO

    I will tell thee wonders.

JAQUENETTA

    With that face?
    DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO

    I love thee.

JAQUENETTA

    So I heard you say.
    DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO

    And so, farewell.

JAQUENETTA

    Fair weather after you!

DULL

    Come, Jaquenetta, away!

    Exeunt DULL and JAQUENETTA
    DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO

    Villain, thou shalt fast for thy offences ere thou
    be pardoned.

COSTARD

    Well, sir, I hope, when I do it, I shall do it on a
    full stomach.
    DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO

    Thou shalt be heavily punished.

COSTARD

    I am more bound to you than your fellows, for they
    are but lightly rewarded.
    DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO

    Take away this villain; shut him up.

MOTH

    Come, you transgressing slave; away!

COSTARD

    Let me not be pent up, sir: I will fast, being loose.

MOTH

    No, sir; that were fast and loose: thou shalt to prison.

COSTARD

    Well, if ever I do see the merry days of desolation
    that I have seen, some shall see.

MOTH

    What shall some see?

COSTARD

    Nay, nothing, Master Moth, but what they look upon.
    It is not for prisoners to be too silent in their
    words; and therefore I will say nothing: I thank
    God I have as little patience as another man; and
    therefore I can be quiet.

    Exeunt MOTH and COSTARD
    DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO

    I do affect the very ground, which is base, where
    her shoe, which is baser, guided by her foot, which
    is basest, doth tread. I shall be forsworn, which
    is a great argument of falsehood, if I love. And
    how can that be true love which is falsely
    attempted? Love is a familiar; Love is a devil:
    there is no evil angel but Love. Yet was Samson so
    tempted, and he had an excellent strength; yet was
    Solomon so seduced, and he had a very good wit.
    Cupid's butt-shaft is too hard for Hercules' club;
    and therefore too much odds for a Spaniard's rapier.
    The first and second cause will not serve my turn;
    the passado he respects not, the duello he regards
    not: his disgrace is to be called boy; but his
    glory is to subdue men. Adieu, valour! rust rapier!
    be still, drum! for your manager is in love; yea,
    he loveth. Assist me, some extemporal god of rhyme,
    for I am sure I shall turn sonnet. Devise, wit;
    write, pen; for I am for whole volumes in folio.

    Exit